Thursday, August 14, 2008
2. Walk hand in hand in the rain.
3. Write a love poem.
4. Call a radio station and dedicate a favorite song.
5. Write "I Love You" in lipstick or shaving cream on
6. Hide love notes in a lunch box, briefcase or purse.
7. Make heart-shaped cinnamon toast for breakfast.
8. Place a love note in the personals section of the newspaper.
9. Take a carriage ride around the city.
10. Plan a surprise getaway.
11. Do your mate's household chores.
12. Write notes on future dates in their date book ("I love you," I miss you," etc.)
13. Make reservations at a favorite restaurant.
14. Let them choose the movie.
15. Give a foot massage.
16. Make a heart-shaped bookmark, and place it in their book.
17. Pop in a romantic music CD and slow dance.
18. Throw a just-because surprise party for two.
19. Buy a stuffed animal for your honey.
20. Read each other's horoscopes.
21. Make a list of the top 10 things you love about your partner.
22. Display it in a prominent place.
23. Tattoo your mate's name on your body.
24. Make an album or scrapbook of your favorite memories
25. Go camping together and only take one sleeping bag.
26. Send a mushy message in a bottle...a balloon...a sandwich...
27. Cut out a silly cartoon that you know they'd enjoy.
28. Shower together.
29. Dim the lights, and snuggle together on the couch.
30. Be the first to say "I'm sorry" and kiss and make up.
31. Give each other a full-body massage.
32. Kiss every hour on the hour all day long.
33. Send a gift basket of indulgent items.
34. Write "I'm hot for you" in the steam on the bathroom mirror.
35. Ribbon wrap your bed with a big bow.
36. Fill up the gas tank of your partner's car.
37. Act like teenagers. Maybe even pierce something!
38. Show up with a bouquet of flowers -- for no reason at all.
39. Play Scrabble® together, using as many "love" words as you can.
40. Run a warm bubble bath for your partner, with lots of lit candles.
41. Meet in the park for a picnic.
42. Hold hands.
43. Leave a trail of rose petals through the house, leading to a romantic candlelight dinner.
44. Make a donation in your mate's name to a special cause or charity.
45. Pick up their clothes from the floor -- without saying a word about it.
46. Watch an old black and white romantic movie and share a bowl of popcorn.
47. Reenact your first date.
48. Surprise your partner with tickets to a special event.
49. An unexpected hug can brighten any day.
50. Buy a silly, impromptu gift.
51. Send an email just to say "I'm thinking of you."
52. Bring home a balloon bouquet.
53. Serve breakfast in bed.
54. Make an ornament with a picture of both of you for the religious occasion.
55. Play tag.
56. Wash and wax your partner's car, and leave a little note on the dashboard.
57. Plant a garden together.
58. Leave a mushy message on voicemail.
59. Stay at a hotel for the night, just because.
60. Make angels in the snow.
61. Every time you say "hello" or "goodbye", seal it with a hug and a kiss.
62. Take a drive in the country.
63. Spend the evening looking at the stars -- and make a wish together.
64. Cast a playful wink anytime, anywhere.
65. Think up a list of silly little pet names for times when you're alone together.
66. Read poetry to each other.
67. Celebrate your half-birthdays together.
68. Put a picture of both of you in your wallet.
69. Buy that favorite book or CD for no reason at all.
70. Send a care package to work filled with treats like food, photos, candy, a love note, heart-shaped confetti, etc.
71. Go out for the evening and tell people you're on your honeymoon.
72. Take a hike together and carve your initials in a tree.
73. Write a thank you note for all the things you take for granted.
74. Make a fire in the fireplace and roast marshmallows.
75. Tape your favorite TV show and spend the evening talking.
76. Do the dishes together, then apply hand lotion to each other's hands.
77. Write a love letter to your partner and cut it into jigsaw puzzle pieces.
78. Decide on secret signals and use them to communicate with each other in large groups of people.
79. Schedule a regular mid-week "date night" for just the two of you.
80. Do the laundry together.
81. Romance Theater Weekend: reenact each other's favorite love scene - hers on Friday, his on Saturday.
82. Call your partner at work and ask for a date.
83. Pretend you haven't seen each other for a month. Act accordingly.
84. Send a written invitation to do something special.
85. Take turns reading to each other.
86. Stand outside the window and sing a romantic song.
87. Hide favorite candy in your partner's coat pockets.
88. Put a tape recording of your voice (saying anything) in the car stereo and turn it on so it plays when the car starts.
89. Go to a drive-in movie.
90. Get up to turn off the last light after you're both comfy-cozy in bed.
91. Hold each other tight during a thunderstorm.
92. Make a tape recording of favorite love songs.
93. Leave a bunch of bananas on the kitchen table with a note, "I go bananas over you!"
94. Hide love notes in a magazine.
95. Declare your undying love via a telegram.
96. Make a romantic dinner together, and serve it on your finest china.
97. Surprise your partner with a big kiss on the neck.
98. Give unexpected compliments.
99. Share an ice cream cone.
100. Have a picnic on the living room floor.
101. Draw a silly picture of the two of you. Frame it.
An affair really has to do with secrecy, deception of the partner and therefore betrayal. It also has to do with the amount of emotional energy you put into the new person that you therefore are not giving to your partner. Actually, most people are more disturbed by the breaking of trust than by sex in an affair. That betrayal of trust is the most difficult thing to recover from.
Many people have an emotional affair, yet due to their own denial don’t believe they are cheating. The denial keeps them guilt-free and they don’t have to give it up.
So how do you know if you are having emotional affair?
1. You keep meetings and conversations secret from your partner.
2. You say and do things with another person you never would in front of your spouse.
3. You make a point to arrange talk time with someone other than your partner.
4. You share things with another person that you don’t with your partner.
Most people were actually not looking for an affair. They find themselves interested in a new person and it becomes a slippery slope. At some point, if the relationship continues it often does lead to sex. The person may start to depend on them for the emotional highs and good feelings they give throughout during the day.
So often we don’t appreciate our relationship until we are about to lose it. If you have had an affair, you need to own up and take responsibility
Here's my advice if you think you're having an emotional affair:
END IT! No halfway, no "kind of", no being friends…It has to end or you will still be in it and cannot build back your partners trust.
Take Responsibility. No one else did it but you. You need to own it to get past it.
Figure out why you did it. Was your marriage failing? Were you looking for self esteem? Repeating the pattern of a parent who cheated?
Be trustworthy. The biggest obstacle to your relationship's survival is the betrayal, so you must be thoroughly open and trustworthy to build trust back. This means doing what your partner needs you to do (like coming home right after work, breaking off all contact with the other person).
It takes time. Rebuilding trust after betrayal takes time. You have to be patient and can’t expect your partner to just bounce back.
Please Note: This article has been reproduced for non-profit, mass benifit. The original article is written by "Dr. Gail Saltz"
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Although many people use this powerful phrase loosely, there are times when you want to say "I love you" in a meaningful way. Whether you're professing your love to a romantic partner or expressing it to a relative or friend, it can be difficult to convey how much they really mean to you. But by keeping the following suggestions in mind, hopefully your love will not only be understood, but it will also be welcomed and returned.
1. Define love. The sincerity of the phrase is strengthened by knowing what love is, and what loving someone means to you. Determine the difference between love, infatuation and lust, and make sure it's genuine love that you feel for this person. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
2. Make it special. For many people, dropping the "I" allows the sentiment to be expressed casually, such as before separating (e.g. "Time to go. Bye! Love you!"). Using the full phrase, however, can be reserved for more intimate moments, especially during a special event, such as when a child is just born, or even to reassure someone when bad news has been received or during moments of cherished silence, like after a kiss.
3. Make eye contact. If you love this person, hopefully you feel comfortable enough to gaze into their eyes when you express your feelings. Making eye contact shows sincerity and communicates trust.
4. Say it at an appropriate tone. If you're at home and there's not much background noise, keep your volume low; don't whisper unless you bring your lips to their ear, which can also be a very intimate way to express your love. If you want to tell them how you feel in public, it's up to you whether you want to pull the person aside, or say it in front of friends or even strangers. It depends on your loved one's personality, and your own personality. Some will find it terribly romantic to be told they're loved across a room full of people; others may find it mortifying.
5. Smile. It can be nerve-wracking to tell someone that you love him or her, only to wait anxiously for their response--especially if it's the first time either of you have verbally expressed love. The best way to overcome this fear is to not expect the phrase in return. Your intention can be to tell the person how you feel, with the hope of making them happy and showing them that they are valued. Remember that unconditional love means not demanding anything in return. So smile, and perhaps give your loved one a hug. If they love you, too, they'll say it in their own way and in their own time.
6. Be creative. Say it in different languages. Write it into a poem or even a haiku. If you want to be romantic, spell it out with rose petals on his or her bedroom floor. Write it in code, like 1337 or using a Vigènere cipher. Say it in little ways, like post-it notes in unexpected places, and express it in every way you can.
7. Love. Don't just say it, do it. Love is not just a feeling; it's an action. Saying it without showing it is, in a way, a lie. Express your love in action as well as in words. Children can show love for their parents by cleaning up their room without being asked. A person can send flowers to their partner in the middle of the week for no particular reason other than to show love. Acts of kindness for the one you love, without being asked, speak louder than words. Do things for your loved ones that they are not willing, likely or able to do for themselves.
* Holding someone's hand as you tell them you love them can also communicate sincerity and trust, but it can also convey a sense of subterfuge, which at a glance may suffice but will quickly be sniffed out by someone with a careful eye for lies; ergo, do not hold hands if you don't mean it.
* Love does not keep score. When you love someone, do not expect anything in return. There's a difference between love and bartering... "I will do this for you if you will do that for me." But always remember if you are asking something of your partner be willing to do it yourself. Don't always expect that he/she understands what you need, be open and willing to express yourself.
* Love is expressed differently by everyone. Be understanding and look for your partner's ways of expressing it to you; they may not be the same as you do or what you want them to do, but in turn you may not be doing the things they want and they should look for your way.
* If love is unrequited, you need to be understanding and be caring towards the feelings of the object of your desire. At least they now know how you feel. It is not good to bottle up your feelings.
* Saying "I love you" in the heat of passion for the first time might not be a good idea, as the person may question the sincerity of your pledge. Follow them up with actions of kindness.
* The words "I love you" can lose their meaning in a relationship if used excessively and loosely, and if not paired with action.
* If you truly love that person then don't hurt her or him in any way whatsoever as it gives a negative impression that you are forcing them to love you.
* It is important to pay attention to the things on this list that enhance the phrase. Our language today is peppered with "love," "hate," etc, when describing things that aren't really deserving. This leads to the word "love" itself meaning less than it should. Remember, you are using simple, over-used words to communicate a very powerful emotion. It is important that other techniques are used to enhance this phrase, or else it merely comes across as trite.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Relationship problems with your spouse, family, co-workers, or friends affect your personal growth, success and well being. If you value relationships, you need to make good choices and be committed to make them work. I sincerely believe the following are actions you can take to start to build healthy relationships.
1. Understand each others personal values. Misunderstandings and conflicts happen when your values conflict with those of others and when expectations are not met. You can let others know what your values are by telling them. You can find out about others values by asking questions or observing their actions. Knowing what’s important to others and yourself will avoid unnecessary conflicts.
2. Learn to listen. All people want to be taken seriously and be appreciated. When you listen attentively without interrupting you are showing respect. Allow people to tell you; the books they have read, the things they did and how they feel. Listening will give you the opportunity to know their values and expectations.
3. Show kindness. You can Smile, it is the simplest act to show friendliness. Make others feel your warmth by offering help and kind words. Acknowledge their talents and achievements. Give praise and appreciate their efforts. Show it in your tone of voice, your posture and your actions.
4. Avoid arguments. Remove ego and pride. In arguments people want to prove a point using force, threats and intimidation causing resentment, no one actually wins or benefits. Step back and look at the situation from a different point of view. You are not submitting but altering the outcome by letting others see that you are committed to the relationship and "taking off the GLOVES" and trying to compromise. Forgive people they make mistakes. If you have made a mistake, admit it and apologize sincerely.
5. Give and take. Give what you are comfortable with and accept what other can give. Contribute your time and effort without unreasonable expectations in return. When you do good deeds for others, let that be it's own reward so that you don't build resentments.
6. Share your feelings. Ask for what you want and need. People can’t read your mind. Make your request with a smile be direct don't use "HINTS". Communicate and share your thoughts and feelings with them. Open up and allow them to understand you.
7. Develop trust. Trust is the foundation of healthy relationships. Keep your promises. Once people trust you, you can have a healthy relationship.
* Keep in mind the results you want.
* Remember it is better to be happy than to be right.
* Compromise on everything except your integrity.
* Relationships may come and go but your self respect is everlasting.
* Good relationships require effort but they are worth it.
* Just remember no-one is perfect.
* Read your partner's body actions and check how they are feeling - it should be both sides that need to listen and respect.
Having trouble finding a boyfriend or girlfriend who is just right for you? Want to get closer to someone? Here are some steps to follow.
Be awesome at anything; if you are smart, show it off, if you are funny, make her laugh, or if you are good at sports, give a demonstration. Let people know how you are different. Look far and wide. If you find yourself without 'any prospects', then you are probably not looking in the right places. Think of what you like to do that defines who you are. Ask yourself, where would someone meet me ? If you're into sports or exercise, then look into places where people do those activities.
2. Look for someone who you can easily talk to. The most important part of any type of relationship is communication. If you cannot communicate effectively with your partner, your relationship will probably not go far.
3. Start by first talking and later making friends with the person you think is special. Most people don't like to jump straight into a relationship, especially girls. Find a reason to talk to the person. Make sure that they want to talk to you. Just talk about something that keeps the conversation going.
4. Be yourself and don't lie just to get to a special person's heart. If they find out later and you're in the middle of a deep relationship or maybe a time when you really need that person, they will leave for good.
5. Let the person know that you like them. Beyond the cheesy sending a note through a friend, talk to them about something you both have in common. School, parents, teachers, vacations, etc. Anything besides a relationship should be fairly safe territory.
6. Flirt. Flirting is a fine activity if you are interested in people who like to flirt. The social and playful activity certainly draws attention and can lead to a relationship. If it is not you, then don't bother, it is better to be yourself.
7. Take things slowly. Don't be too needy. They'll think you're just an annoying friend and you probably don't want them to think that. That special person might actually ask you over or on a date, which doesn't necessarily mean that he or she is into you. Give it time and things could work out. Once you have established 'first contact', remember not to squeeze the person. Try to continue doing your normal routine, with them in mind, rather than changing your whole life around them. Hopefully they will want to have a relationship with YOU, not a clone of themselves or a tag along.
* Try to look nice -- looks count for first impressions.
* If a girl only thinks you are talking to her because you want to "get with" her, she will not be too interested. Make it more meaningful.
* Try to be close with the person's family. It will strengthen the relationship.
* Never compromise your morals. If the person you are interested in is not interested in you, let them know your intentions, they could abuse your attraction to their benefit.
* If you feel like you need time to decide, do not hesitate to take it. Your goal is finding a good mate for a relationship. If something feels wrong, think things through twice before acting.
* To really get to know a person, try to delay intimacy as much as possible so you'll be able to make the best objective decision on whether or not this will be a good relationship for the both of you. Many people find it difficult to see people for what they really are, after they've started an intimate relationship. Even though you want to take someone passionately. Try small gestures, like hand-holding, pecks on the cheek. This is really recommended for women and if you feel like abstaining from intimacy for a period of time is almost unbearable, just keep your mind focused on how good of an "investment" you are making for your future, by just a little patience and sacrifice of your time now.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
In most societies around the world, it's traditionally up to the guy to initiate a couple's first kiss. If you're a girl, this takes a lot of pressure off you, but sometimes it can be frustrating if you want to be kissed but your guy is a little too shy to try to kiss you.
1. Be inviting.
Because of respect for your wishes (and the fear of rejection) a guy generally won't try for a first kiss unless he's pretty sure you want him to. If you do, you should try to make him feel comfortable and confident. Flirt with him, laugh at his jokes, smile a lot, and compliment him. If you put him at ease and let him know you enjoy being with him, he'll usually find the courage to try to kiss you.
2. Break the "touch barrier."
Touch him lightly on the arm or shoulder when you're talking. Just make it a quick, innocent touch and don't make a big deal out of it. Holding hands is also a good way to break the touch barrier. The simple act of touching can strengthen the intimacy between you and him. Sometimes a guy will break the touch barrier, and if you're comfortable with him doing so, touch him back. But don't wait for a guy to make the first move here, because girls can generally get away with breaking the touch barrier earlier in a relationship than guys can.
3. Look to his lips.
When you're alone with a guy and want to be kissed, make eye contact and then move your gaze briefly down to his lips. Then move your eyes back up to meet his and smile demurely. You don't have to be really obvious about it. Many guys will take the hint, especially if they've read one of the many articles that lists this as a sign that a girl wants to be kissed. If it doesn't work the first time, try again when the time is right.
4. Move in.
You have to be close to each other to kiss, and the less distance a guy has to travel to kiss you, the easier it is for him to give it a try. So get close. When the moment seems right, put your face close to his and look at him expectantly. If you're brave, you could try moving in as though you're going to kiss him. Hopefully he'll take the hint and kiss you, but if he doesn't you can give him a playful little kiss on the cheek.
5. Talk about it.
If the guy isn't taking your subtle hints, bring up kissing in conversation. For example, if you're watching a movie together and see an on-screen kiss, mention that it's "so romantic" or something to that effect. If the guy is really shy, you might just want to put it on the line and tell him that you'd like him to kiss you.
6. Kiss him.
There's no law that says the guy has to initiate the kiss, and some guys--especially if they've never kissed a girl before--just won't take your hints. If you want to kiss him, just go ahead and do it.
* If the guy seems to be talking a lot, especially if he's talking quickly, he could be nervous because he's thinking about kissing you. In this case, an old trick is to tell him, "You talk too much." Say it playfully and with a smile, and maybe even briefly put your finger to his lips as though you're "shushing" him. And then kiss him lightly on his lips and pause for a moment; at this point the two of you should be really close and he will most probably initiate a kiss.
* One way to get a guy to move closer is to pretend to shake as though you're cold. If he doesn't snuggle up to you, you then have a good excuse to snuggle up to him.
* Don't be too heartbroken if you don't get a kiss. The guy may just not be ready yet, or he may not like you in that way.
* Sometimes the first kiss can be a bit disappointing, especially if a guy doesn't have any kissing experience. If your guy can't kiss well, read about how to deal with a bad kisser.
* Men are often afraid of crossing the line because they are not sure if they have read the hints right! It can be easier for all (after building up the mood!) if you are clear about what you want, no hinting, no hidden meanings etc. Put your hands around his waist and say "I want to kiss you now" or something similar.
* Telling a guy he talks too much may result in you annoying him. If he likes to talk, or thought he was actually trying to have a conversation with you, and is TOTALLY oblivious to what you are trying to do, he may take offense, and think that you don't care about what he has to say. Use this technique with caution.
* Never feel pressured to go farther than you want to go. It's OK to just want a kiss, and you can and should say "no" to anything that makes you uncomfortable. Remember also to respect the guy's wishes if he just doesn't want to kiss you.
* If your kiss isn't as romantic as you had hoped, don't worry! Lots of people have awkward beginnings to relationships. If this is the big one, then you'll have plenty more opportunities for kissing (in other words, it doesn't have to be perfect).
* Many guys view hints as overly complicated, especially in this day and age of sexual harassment lawsuits. Often, the best approach is to come right out and say it.